Fuck you houseguest
I am NOT your fucking mother, my house is NOT a fucking hostel, and my couch is not your bed away from home.
Sure I would love for you to come over, hang out, lets bbq and throw back a couple of tall ones...and if you get shit faced...yes of course you should sleep on my couch. In the morning lets go out to breakfast, your treat of course oh and yes you should drive us there and back as a small token of your appericiation. And then my friend...GO THE FUCK HOME. I DONT WANT to spend the rest of the fucking day with you. I have my own shit to do House Guest. I may want to have a new and completly different House Guest over. I may want to walk around naked in my house , wearing only flip flops with a peice of toilet paper stuck to the bottom. I may want to stare at the ceiling while making high pitched noises resembling bird calls. The point is House Guest - we had fun...OUR time is over now... its time for you to go. Dont let the door hit you in your fat fucking lazy ass on the way out.
Oh and another thing House Guest. When you come over, it is traditional American culture to bring something with you...a thoughtful gift for your gracious host. A 24 case of Bud, a loaf of bread, skittles...anything really. It is bad manners to show up at someones place of residence empty handed especially when you plan on staying ALL MOTHERFUCKING weekend. Especially when you fucking invited your self in the first fucking place you pussy.
Oh and one more thing House Guest...I am NOT your fucking Mother...who to you is not only a maid, but your babysitter, your conselor and your personal chef. Just because I happen to have a vagina does not give you the right to put me to work in my own house. I WILL NOT: pick up your empty beer cans, hang up your wet bath towel, do my dishes which you ate my food off of, pick up my own fucking cd's you left out of their precious jackets, clean up the puddle of water you left on my floor when your retarded ass tried to make a pot of coffee. Oh no these are things I wont do for you House Guest. You have crossed the House Guest line again and again and unfortunatly for you there is no going back. You have shown yourself to be so incompetent at proper guesting that you will not be allowed to guest at me casa again amigo....sianara, mother fucker.